GOVERNMENT AIRLINES, INC.

NEW AIRLINE RULES
Attendant: Welcome aboard Ala Carte Air, sir.
May I see your ticket?
Passenger: Sure.
Attendant: You're in seat 12B.
That will be $5, please!
Passenger: What for?
Attendant: For telling you where to sit.
Passenger: But I already knew where to sit.
Attendant: Nevertheless, we are now
charging a seat locator fee of $5.
It's the airline's new policy.
Passenger: That's the craziest thing I
ever heard. I won't pay it.
Attendant: Sir, do you want a seat on this
flight, or not?
Passenger: Yes, yes. All right, I'll pay. But
the airline is going to hear about this.
Attendant: Thank you. My goodness,
your carry-on bag looks heavy.
Would you like me to stow it in the
overhead compartment for you?
Passenger: That would be swell, thanks.
Attendant: No problem. Up we go, and done!
That will be $10, please.
Passenger: What?
Attendant: The airline now charges a $10
carry-on assistance fee.
Passenger: This is extortion. I won't stand
for it.
Attendant: Actually, you're right, you can't
stand. You need to sit, and fasten your seat
belt. We're about to push back from the
gate. But, first I need that $10.
Passenger: No way!
Attendant: Sir, if you don't comply, I will
be forced to call the air marshal.
And you really don't want me to do that.
Passenger: Why not? Is he going to shoot
me?
Attendant: No, but there's a $50 air-marshal
hailing fee.
Passenger: Oh, all right, here, take the $10.
I can't believe this.
Attendant: Thank you for your cooperation,
sir. Is there anything else I can do for you?
Passenger: Yes. It's stuffy in here, and my
overhead fan doesn't seem to work. Can you
fix it?
Attendant: Your overhead fan is not broken,
sir. Just insert two quarters into the
overhead coin slot for the first five minutes.
Passenger: The airline is charging me for
cabin air?
Attendant: Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin
air is provided free of charge.
It's the circulating air that costs 50 cents.
Passenger: I don't have any quarters. Can
you make change for a dollar?
Attendant: Certainly, sir! Here you go!
Passenger: But you've given me only three
quarters for my dollar.
Attendant: Yes, there's a change making
fee of 25 cents.
Passenger: For cryin' out loud. All I have
left is a lousy quarter?
What the heck can I do with this?
Attendant: Hang onto it. You'll need it
later for the lavatory!!
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