The Secretary of Defense briefed the president
this morning. He told Bush that three brazillian
soliders had been killed in iraq.
to everyone's amazement, all the color ran from
Bush's face, visibly shaken.
finally he composed himself and asked:
"just exactly how many IS a bazillion??"
#####
no caption necessary
our heroes.....
.... and GOOD riddance!!
time to CLEAN HOUSE!!
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
THE 545 PEOPLE
Politicians are the only people in the world who create
problems and then campaign against them.
Have you ever wondered why, if both the Democrats
and the Republicans are against deficits, we HAVE deficits?
Have you ever wondered why, if all the politicians are
against inflation and high taxes, we HAVE inflation and
high taxes?
You and I don't propose a federal budget. The president does.
You and I don't have the Constitutional authority to vote
on appropriations. The House of Representatives does....
You and I don't write the tax code, Congress does.
You and I don't set fiscal policy, Congress does.
You and I don't control monetary policy, the Federal
Reserve Bank does.
One hundred senators, 435 congressmen, one president,
and nine Supreme Court justices 545 human beings out
of the 300 million are DIRECTLY, legally, morally, and
individually responsible for the domestic problems that
plague this country. I excluded the members of the
Federal Reserve Board because that problem was created
by the Congres!!
In 1913, Congress delegated its Constitutional duty to
provide a SOUND currency to a federally chartered,
BUT PRIVATE, central bank.
I excluded all the special interests and lobbyists for a
sound reason. They have no legal authority. They have
no ability to coerce a senator, a congressman, or a
president to do one cotton-picking thing.
I don't care if they offer a politician $1 million dollars
in cash. The politician has the power to accept or reject it.
No matter what the lobbyist promises, it is the legislator's
responsibility to determine how he votes. T
hose 545 human beings spend much of their energy
convincing you that what THEY did is not THEIR fault!!
They cooperate in this common con regardless of party.
What separates a politician from a normal human being
is an excessive amount of gall. No normal human being
would have the gall of a Speaker, who stood up and
criticized the President for creating deficits!!
The president can ONLY propose a budget. He cannot
force the Congress to accept it.
The Constitution, which is the supreme law of the land,
gives SOLE responsibility to the House of Representatives
for originating and approving appropriations and taxes.
Who is the speaker of the House? She is the leader of the
MAJORITY party!!
She and fellow House members, NOT the president,
can approve any budget they want. If the president
vetoes it, they CAN pass it over his veto if they agree
to.
It seems inconceivable to me that a nation of 300
million can not replace 545 people who stand
convicted -- by present facts -- of incompetence and
irresponsibility. I can't think of a single domestic
problem that is NOT traceable directly to those
545 people.
When you fully grasp the plain truth that 545 people
exercise the power of the federal government, then it
must follow that what exists is what they WANT to exist.
If the tax code is unfair, it's because they want it unfair.
If the budget is in the red, it's because they want it in the red.
If the Marines are in IRAQ , it's because they want them
in IRAQ.
If THEY do not receive social security but are on an
elite retirement plan NOT available to "the people",
it's because they WANT it that way.
There are no insoluble government problems.
Do not let these 545 people shift the blame to bureaucrats,
whom they hire and whose jobs they can abolish;
to lobbyists, whose gifts(!!) and advice they can reject;
to regulators, to whom they give the power to regulate
and from whom they can take this power.
Above all, do not let them con you into the belief that
there exists disembodied mystical forces like
'the economy,' 'inflation,' or 'politics' that prevent them
from doing what they TAKE AN OATH to do.
Those 545 people, and they ALONE, are responsible.
They, and they ALONE, have the power.
They, and they ALONE, should be held accountable
by the people who are their bosses provided the voters
have the gumption to manage their own employees.
We should VOTE all of them OUT OF OFFICE and
clean up their mess!!
Charlie Reese is a former columnist of the
Orlando Sentinel Newspaper.
What you do with this article now that you have
read it is up to you, though you appear to have
several choices.
1. You can send this to everyone in your address
book, and hope they do something about it.
2. You can agree to vote against everyone that is
currently in office, knowing that the process will
take several years.
3. You can decide to run for office yourself and
agree to do the job properly.
4. Lastly, you can sit back and do nothing, or
re-elect the current "gang".
NEVER VOTE FOR AN INCUMBANT!!!!!!!!!
#####
problems and then campaign against them.
Have you ever wondered why, if both the Democrats
and the Republicans are against deficits, we HAVE deficits?
Have you ever wondered why, if all the politicians are
against inflation and high taxes, we HAVE inflation and
high taxes?
You and I don't propose a federal budget. The president does.
You and I don't have the Constitutional authority to vote
on appropriations. The House of Representatives does....
You and I don't write the tax code, Congress does.
You and I don't set fiscal policy, Congress does.
You and I don't control monetary policy, the Federal
Reserve Bank does.
One hundred senators, 435 congressmen, one president,
and nine Supreme Court justices 545 human beings out
of the 300 million are DIRECTLY, legally, morally, and
individually responsible for the domestic problems that
plague this country. I excluded the members of the
Federal Reserve Board because that problem was created
by the Congres!!
In 1913, Congress delegated its Constitutional duty to
provide a SOUND currency to a federally chartered,
BUT PRIVATE, central bank.
I excluded all the special interests and lobbyists for a
sound reason. They have no legal authority. They have
no ability to coerce a senator, a congressman, or a
president to do one cotton-picking thing.
I don't care if they offer a politician $1 million dollars
in cash. The politician has the power to accept or reject it.
No matter what the lobbyist promises, it is the legislator's
responsibility to determine how he votes. T
hose 545 human beings spend much of their energy
convincing you that what THEY did is not THEIR fault!!
They cooperate in this common con regardless of party.
What separates a politician from a normal human being
is an excessive amount of gall. No normal human being
would have the gall of a Speaker, who stood up and
criticized the President for creating deficits!!
The president can ONLY propose a budget. He cannot
force the Congress to accept it.
The Constitution, which is the supreme law of the land,
gives SOLE responsibility to the House of Representatives
for originating and approving appropriations and taxes.
Who is the speaker of the House? She is the leader of the
MAJORITY party!!
She and fellow House members, NOT the president,
can approve any budget they want. If the president
vetoes it, they CAN pass it over his veto if they agree
to.
It seems inconceivable to me that a nation of 300
million can not replace 545 people who stand
convicted -- by present facts -- of incompetence and
irresponsibility. I can't think of a single domestic
problem that is NOT traceable directly to those
545 people.
When you fully grasp the plain truth that 545 people
exercise the power of the federal government, then it
must follow that what exists is what they WANT to exist.
If the tax code is unfair, it's because they want it unfair.
If the budget is in the red, it's because they want it in the red.
If the Marines are in IRAQ , it's because they want them
in IRAQ.
If THEY do not receive social security but are on an
elite retirement plan NOT available to "the people",
it's because they WANT it that way.
There are no insoluble government problems.
Do not let these 545 people shift the blame to bureaucrats,
whom they hire and whose jobs they can abolish;
to lobbyists, whose gifts(!!) and advice they can reject;
to regulators, to whom they give the power to regulate
and from whom they can take this power.
Above all, do not let them con you into the belief that
there exists disembodied mystical forces like
'the economy,' 'inflation,' or 'politics' that prevent them
from doing what they TAKE AN OATH to do.
Those 545 people, and they ALONE, are responsible.
They, and they ALONE, have the power.
They, and they ALONE, should be held accountable
by the people who are their bosses provided the voters
have the gumption to manage their own employees.
We should VOTE all of them OUT OF OFFICE and
clean up their mess!!
Charlie Reese is a former columnist of the
Orlando Sentinel Newspaper.
What you do with this article now that you have
read it is up to you, though you appear to have
several choices.
1. You can send this to everyone in your address
book, and hope they do something about it.
2. You can agree to vote against everyone that is
currently in office, knowing that the process will
take several years.
3. You can decide to run for office yourself and
agree to do the job properly.
4. Lastly, you can sit back and do nothing, or
re-elect the current "gang".
NEVER VOTE FOR AN INCUMBANT!!!!!!!!!
#####
TO MY BANK
Dear Sirs:In view of what seems to be happening
with banks at the moment, I was wondering if you
could advise me.
One of my checks was just returned marked
"Insufficient Funds".
How do I know whether that refers to me or
to YOU?
Best regards,
Chris
with banks at the moment, I was wondering if you
could advise me.
One of my checks was just returned marked
"Insufficient Funds".
How do I know whether that refers to me or
to YOU?
Best regards,
Chris
Sunday, December 21, 2008
STARTING THE DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK
HOW TO START EACH DAY WITH A POSITIVE
OUTLOOK
1. Open a new file in your Computer.
2. Name it 'Barack Obama'.
3. Send it to the Recycle Bin.
4. Empty the Recycle Bin.
5. Your PC will ask you:
'Do you really want to get rid of 'Barack Obama?'
6. Firmly Click 'Yes.'
7. Feel better? GOOD! -- Tomorrow we'll do
Nancy Pelosi and then Harry Reid!
OUTLOOK
1. Open a new file in your Computer.
2. Name it 'Barack Obama'.
3. Send it to the Recycle Bin.
4. Empty the Recycle Bin.
5. Your PC will ask you:
'Do you really want to get rid of 'Barack Obama?'
6. Firmly Click 'Yes.'
7. Feel better? GOOD! -- Tomorrow we'll do
Nancy Pelosi and then Harry Reid!
THOUGHTS ON COLORS
When I was born, I was BLACK , When I grew up, I was BLACK , When I went in the sun, I stayed BLACK, When I got cold, I was BLACK , When I was scared, I was BLACK , When I was sick, I was BLACK , And when I die, I'll still be BLACK .
NOW, You 'white' folks.... When you're born, you're PINK, When you grow-up, you're WHITE , When you go in the sun, you get RED, When you're cold, you turn BLUE, When you're scared, you're YELLOW, When you get sick, you're GREEN, When you bruise, you turn PURPLE , And when you die, you look GRAY.
So who y'all callin' COLORED folks??
NOW, You 'white' folks.... When you're born, you're PINK, When you grow-up, you're WHITE , When you go in the sun, you get RED, When you're cold, you turn BLUE, When you're scared, you're YELLOW, When you get sick, you're GREEN, When you bruise, you turn PURPLE , And when you die, you look GRAY.
So who y'all callin' COLORED folks??
Saturday, December 13, 2008
BUSINESS SOLUTIONS
Dear Fellow Business Owners As a Business owner who employs 30 people, I have resigned myself to the fact that Barack Obama, will be our next President, and that my Taxes and Fees, will go up in a BIG way.
To compensate for these increases, I figure, that the Customer, will have to see an increase in my fees to them of about, 8%. I will also have to lay off 6 of my employees. This really bothered me as I believe we are family here and didn't know how to choose who will have to go.
So, this is what I did. I strolled through the parking lot and found 8 Obama bumper stickers on my employees' cars. I have decided these folks will be the first to be laid off.
I can't think of another fair way to approach this problem. If you have a better idea, let me know.
I am sending this letter to all Business owners that I know.
Sincerely, A Local Businessman
To compensate for these increases, I figure, that the Customer, will have to see an increase in my fees to them of about, 8%. I will also have to lay off 6 of my employees. This really bothered me as I believe we are family here and didn't know how to choose who will have to go.
So, this is what I did. I strolled through the parking lot and found 8 Obama bumper stickers on my employees' cars. I have decided these folks will be the first to be laid off.
I can't think of another fair way to approach this problem. If you have a better idea, let me know.
I am sending this letter to all Business owners that I know.
Sincerely, A Local Businessman
Friday, November 28, 2008
POLITICS -- GOTTA LOVE IT
Does anybody out there have any memory of the reason given
for the establishment of the DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY during
the Carter Administration? Anybody? Anything? No?
Didn't think so.
Bottom line . . we've spent several hundred billion
dollars in support of an agency the reason for which not
one person who reads this can remember.
Ready? It was very simple, and at the time everybody
thought it very appropriate.
The Department of Energy was instituted 8-04-1977 TO
LESSEN OUR DEPENDENCE ON FOREIGN OIL. HEY, PRETTY EFFICIENT, HUH?
AND NOW IT'S 2008, 31 YEARS LATER, AND THE BUDGET FOR
THIS NECESSARY DEPARTMENT IS AT $24.2 BILLION A YEAR, THEY HAVE 16,000 FEDERAL EMPLOYEES, AND APPROXIMATELY 100,000 CONTRACT EMPLOYEES AND LOOK AT THE JOB THEY HAVE DONE!
THIS IS WHERE YOU SLAP YOUR FOREHEAD AND SAY 'WHAT WAS
I THINKING?'
Ah yes, good ole beauocracy. And now we are going to turn
the Banking system over to them? God Help us.
for the establishment of the DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY during
the Carter Administration? Anybody? Anything? No?
Didn't think so.
Bottom line . . we've spent several hundred billion
dollars in support of an agency the reason for which not
one person who reads this can remember.
Ready? It was very simple, and at the time everybody
thought it very appropriate.
The Department of Energy was instituted 8-04-1977 TO
LESSEN OUR DEPENDENCE ON FOREIGN OIL. HEY, PRETTY EFFICIENT, HUH?
AND NOW IT'S 2008, 31 YEARS LATER, AND THE BUDGET FOR
THIS NECESSARY DEPARTMENT IS AT $24.2 BILLION A YEAR, THEY HAVE 16,000 FEDERAL EMPLOYEES, AND APPROXIMATELY 100,000 CONTRACT EMPLOYEES AND LOOK AT THE JOB THEY HAVE DONE!
THIS IS WHERE YOU SLAP YOUR FOREHEAD AND SAY 'WHAT WAS
I THINKING?'
Ah yes, good ole beauocracy. And now we are going to turn
the Banking system over to them? God Help us.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Friday, November 7, 2008
And you think lawyers don't have hearts.
The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office. The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the United Way?'
The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, 'First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?'
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, 'Uh... no, I didn't know that.'
'Secondly,' says the lawyer, 'did it show that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?'
The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.
'Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another that has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?'
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says, 'I'm so sorry. I had no idea.'
And the lawyer says, 'So, if I didn't give any money to them, what makes you think I'd give any to you?
The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office. The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the United Way?'
The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, 'First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?'
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, 'Uh... no, I didn't know that.'
'Secondly,' says the lawyer, 'did it show that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?'
The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.
'Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another that has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?'
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says, 'I'm so sorry. I had no idea.'
And the lawyer says, 'So, if I didn't give any money to them, what makes you think I'd give any to you?
A SUNNY DAY IN 2009
One sunny day in 2009 an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue , where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said,
'I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.'
The Marine looked at the man and said,
'Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here.'
The old man said, 'Okay' and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine,
'I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.'
The Marine again told the man, 'Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here.'
The man thanked him and, again, just walked away. The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U. S. Marine, saying, 'I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.'
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, 'Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?'
The old man looked at the Marine and said, 'Oh, I understand -- I just love hearing you say it.'
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said,
'See you tomorrow, Sir!!'
#####
'I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.'
The Marine looked at the man and said,
'Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here.'
The old man said, 'Okay' and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine,
'I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.'
The Marine again told the man, 'Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here.'
The man thanked him and, again, just walked away. The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U. S. Marine, saying, 'I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.'
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, 'Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?'
The old man looked at the Marine and said, 'Oh, I understand -- I just love hearing you say it.'
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said,
'See you tomorrow, Sir!!'
#####
Sunday, November 2, 2008
'FRISCO COPS
1. Chief Heather Fong (left), the first
SFPD female chief of police;
2. Theresa Sparks (center, former male),
president of the San Francisco Police
Commission, CEO of a multimillion-dollar
sex toy retailer, and a transgender woman.
3. Sgt. Stephan Thorne (right, former female),
the first transgender SFPD police officer.
#####
SFPD female chief of police;
2. Theresa Sparks (center, former male),
president of the San Francisco Police
Commission, CEO of a multimillion-dollar
sex toy retailer, and a transgender woman.
3. Sgt. Stephan Thorne (right, former female),
the first transgender SFPD police officer.
#####
'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE ELECTIONS
‘Twas the night before elections
and all through the town
Tempers were flaring,
emotions all up and down!
I, in my bathrobe,
with a cat in my lap
Had cut off the TV,
tired of political crap!
When all of a sudden there
arose such a noise
I peered out of my window,
saw Obama and his boys!
They had come for my wallet,
they wanted my pay,
to give to the others who had
not worked a day!
He snatched up my money
and quick as a wink
Jumped back on his bandwagon
as I gagged from the stink!
He then rallied his henchmen
who were pulling his cart,
I could tell they were out to
tear my country apart!
‘On Fannie, on Freddie,
On Biden and Ayers!
On Acorn, On Pelosi’
He screamed at the pairs!
They took off for his cause
and as he flew out of sight,
I heard him laugh at the nation
who wouldn’t stand up and fight!
So I leave you to think on
this one final note--
IF YOU DON’T WANT SOCIALISM --
GET OUT AND VOTE!!!!
####
and all through the town
Tempers were flaring,
emotions all up and down!
I, in my bathrobe,
with a cat in my lap
Had cut off the TV,
tired of political crap!
When all of a sudden there
arose such a noise
I peered out of my window,
saw Obama and his boys!
They had come for my wallet,
they wanted my pay,
to give to the others who had
not worked a day!
He snatched up my money
and quick as a wink
Jumped back on his bandwagon
as I gagged from the stink!
He then rallied his henchmen
who were pulling his cart,
I could tell they were out to
tear my country apart!
‘On Fannie, on Freddie,
On Biden and Ayers!
On Acorn, On Pelosi’
He screamed at the pairs!
They took off for his cause
and as he flew out of sight,
I heard him laugh at the nation
who wouldn’t stand up and fight!
So I leave you to think on
this one final note--
IF YOU DON’T WANT SOCIALISM --
GET OUT AND VOTE!!!!
####
A NOTE FROM THE YEAR 55 B.C.
"The budget should be balanced, the
Treasury should be refilled, public
debt should be reduced, the arrogance
of officialdom should be tempered
and controlled, and the assistance to
foreign lands should be curtailed
lest Rome become bankrupt."
- Marcus Tullius Cicero, 55 BC
#####
Treasury should be refilled, public
debt should be reduced, the arrogance
of officialdom should be tempered
and controlled, and the assistance to
foreign lands should be curtailed
lest Rome become bankrupt."
- Marcus Tullius Cicero, 55 BC
#####
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
GOV. PALIN'S QUALIFICATIONS
Question: What is America's first line
of missile interceptor defense that protects
the entire United States?
Answer: 49th Missile Defense Battalion of
Alaska National Guard.
Question: What is the ONLY National Guard
unit on permanent active duty?
Answer: 49th Missile Defense Battalion of
Alaska National Guard
Question: Who is the Commander in Chief of
the 49th MissileDefense Battalion of Alaska
National Guard?
Answer: Governor Sarah Palin, Alaska
Question: What U.S. governor is routinely
briefed on highly classified military issues,
homeland security, and counter terrorism?
Answer: Governor Sarah Palin, Alaska
Question: What U.S. governor has a higher
classified security rating than either candidate
of the Democrat Party?
Answer: Governor Sarah Palin, Alaska.
According to the Washington Post, she first
met with McCain in February, but nobody
ever found out. This is a woman used to
keeping secrets. She can be entrusted with
our national security, because she already is.
Now you know too, please, pass it on!?
Commander....49th Missile Defense Battalion
of Alaska National Guard.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alaska_Army_National_Guard
#####
of missile interceptor defense that protects
the entire United States?
Answer: 49th Missile Defense Battalion of
Alaska National Guard.
Question: What is the ONLY National Guard
unit on permanent active duty?
Answer: 49th Missile Defense Battalion of
Alaska National Guard
Question: Who is the Commander in Chief of
the 49th MissileDefense Battalion of Alaska
National Guard?
Answer: Governor Sarah Palin, Alaska
Question: What U.S. governor is routinely
briefed on highly classified military issues,
homeland security, and counter terrorism?
Answer: Governor Sarah Palin, Alaska
Question: What U.S. governor has a higher
classified security rating than either candidate
of the Democrat Party?
Answer: Governor Sarah Palin, Alaska.
According to the Washington Post, she first
met with McCain in February, but nobody
ever found out. This is a woman used to
keeping secrets. She can be entrusted with
our national security, because she already is.
Now you know too, please, pass it on!?
Commander....49th Missile Defense Battalion
of Alaska National Guard.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alaska_Army_National_Guard
#####
Monday, October 27, 2008
TEXAS BUMPER STICKER
TEXAS bumper sticker -- where else? LOL
I'll keep my freedom, my guns, and
my money --
YOU can keep "THE CHANGE"!!
Vote for McCain/Palin
I'll keep my freedom, my guns, and
my money --
YOU can keep "THE CHANGE"!!
Vote for McCain/Palin
JOHN AND SARAH -- the video
The John and Sarah Video
THIS IS too funny!!!!
my friend is one of the dancers in it.
and he reports... it actually got played
on CNN of all places!! lol
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CBZej5qSIwU
#####
THIS IS too funny!!!!
my friend is one of the dancers in it.
and he reports... it actually got played
on CNN of all places!! lol
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CBZej5qSIwU
#####
Friday, October 24, 2008
POLITICS AND PIANOS
"My choice early in life was either to be a
piano player in a whorehouse or a politician.
And to tell the truth, there's hardly any
difference.
I, for one, believe the piano player job to be
much more honorable than current politicians."
--Harry Truman
piano player in a whorehouse or a politician.
And to tell the truth, there's hardly any
difference.
I, for one, believe the piano player job to be
much more honorable than current politicians."
--Harry Truman
RE-DISTRIBUTING THE WEALTH
Yesterday on my way to lunch, I passed
one of the homeless guys in that area, with
a sign that read "Vote Obama, I need the money."
Once inside I noticed my waiter had on an
"Obama '08" tee shirt also. When the bill came,
I decided not to tip the waiter and explained
to him while he had given me exceptional
service, that his tee shirt made me feel he
obviously believes in Senator Obama's plan
to redistribute the wealth.
I told him I was going to redistribute his tip
to someone that I deemed more in need--the
homeless guy outside. He stood there in
disbelief and angrily stormed away. I went
outside, gave the homeless guy $3 and told
him to thank the waiter inside, as I had
decided he could use the money more.
The homeless guy looked at me in disbelief
but was genuinely grateful. As I got in my
truck, I realized this rather unscientific
redistribution experiment had left the
homeless guy quite happy for the money
he did not earn -- but the waiter was pretty
angry that I gave away the money he DID
earn.
Well, I guess this redistribution of wealth
is going to take a while to catch on with
those doing the work, eh? :-)
#####
one of the homeless guys in that area, with
a sign that read "Vote Obama, I need the money."
Once inside I noticed my waiter had on an
"Obama '08" tee shirt also. When the bill came,
I decided not to tip the waiter and explained
to him while he had given me exceptional
service, that his tee shirt made me feel he
obviously believes in Senator Obama's plan
to redistribute the wealth.
I told him I was going to redistribute his tip
to someone that I deemed more in need--the
homeless guy outside. He stood there in
disbelief and angrily stormed away. I went
outside, gave the homeless guy $3 and told
him to thank the waiter inside, as I had
decided he could use the money more.
The homeless guy looked at me in disbelief
but was genuinely grateful. As I got in my
truck, I realized this rather unscientific
redistribution experiment had left the
homeless guy quite happy for the money
he did not earn -- but the waiter was pretty
angry that I gave away the money he DID
earn.
Well, I guess this redistribution of wealth
is going to take a while to catch on with
those doing the work, eh? :-)
#####
Thursday, October 23, 2008
DO YOU WANT THIS???
Do we want a Vice President like THIS?
21 reasons why Gov. Sarah Palin Should
NOT be Vice-President of the United States:
1) She is a Woman.
2) She does not believe in killing babies,
born or unborn.
3) She is NOT endorsed by Susan Sarandon,
Jane Fonda, Rosie O'Donnell, Hillary Clinton,
Nancy Pelosi, Geraldine Ferraro, Barbara
Walters, Helen Thomas, Ellen Degeneres,
Ted Kennedy, Keith Olberman, Chris Matthews,
Barbra Streisand OR David Letterman.
(The Horror!! The Horror!!)
4) She is married to a Foreigner - a species
called 'Native American' - meaning her five
children are half-breeds.
5) She has, on more than one occasion,
expressed PRIDE in the United States of
America.
6) Unlike decent, self-respecting Democrats
everywhere, she has a 17-year-old daughter
who became pregnant out of wedlock.
7) She is a member of the American Riflemen's
Association ... actually owns firearms ... and
knows how to use them.
8) She has killed a moose, among other animals
- and spreads the propaganda that it is hunters,
through their license fees, that keep American
wildlife from becoming extinct.
9) She often does her own grocery and other
household shopping.
10) She drives a car, and flies a plane.
11) She chose to give birth to a defective
child, rather than allow a skilled abortion
Doctor to kill it for her.
12) She refuses to apologize for seeking the
termination of an Alaskan State Trooper just
because he applied a gentle taser to his
12-year-old stepson (who, of course, happened
to be Gov. Palin's nephew).
13) She is inexperienced. And she refuses to
admit that her duties as the chief executive
in the State of Alaska are nowhere near
equal to those of a public servant who was
once a community organizer, or that of a
United States Senator who has carried the
awesome burden of overseeing a staff of
political appointees -- for a burdensome
137 days!!
14) She has a son who is in the U.S. Military,
deployed to the Persian Gulf - probably
making her prejudiced against all the
peaceful Muslims in that part of the world.
15) She is on Oprah Winfrey's 'Do Not Invite'
list!!!! (dear God!!!)
16) She professes to be a Christian, but
has no 'Spiritual Adviser' - even though
Rev. Jeremiah Wright, who served Sen.
Obama in that capacity for 20 years, appears
to be available....
17) She isn't really a 'beauty queen,' as
advertised. She was only the runner-up in
the Miss Alaska Contest; and Alaska is not
a very populous state, anyway -- slim pickens....
18) The Obama-Biden ticket is favored over
McCain-Palin, 80% to 20%, by our friendly
allies in France.
19) Her children are not properly trained
in hygiene. (Did you see her 7-year-old
daughter shamelessly lick the entire palm
of her hand at the convention, then use it
to slick down the hair of her little brother?)
20) She is of mixed English, German, and
Irish ancestry - and you KNOW you can't
trust the Limey's, Krauts, or Micks.
21) Back to No. 1: This is the one that really
galls modern, liberal 'feminists.' Gov. Palin
is a Woman, a female-type wife and mother,
who shaves her legs, wears makeup, dresses
smartly, often cooks meals for her family,
doesn't give a hoot about the National
Organization for Women or the all-powerful
Teachers Unions - and obviously will never,
ever fit in as a member of the "Washington Elite".
Do we want a person like this to be the
Vice-President of the United States ?
HELL, YESSSS!! You bet we do!!! :-)
#####
21 reasons why Gov. Sarah Palin Should
NOT be Vice-President of the United States:
1) She is a Woman.
2) She does not believe in killing babies,
born or unborn.
3) She is NOT endorsed by Susan Sarandon,
Jane Fonda, Rosie O'Donnell, Hillary Clinton,
Nancy Pelosi, Geraldine Ferraro, Barbara
Walters, Helen Thomas, Ellen Degeneres,
Ted Kennedy, Keith Olberman, Chris Matthews,
Barbra Streisand OR David Letterman.
(The Horror!! The Horror!!)
4) She is married to a Foreigner - a species
called 'Native American' - meaning her five
children are half-breeds.
5) She has, on more than one occasion,
expressed PRIDE in the United States of
America.
6) Unlike decent, self-respecting Democrats
everywhere, she has a 17-year-old daughter
who became pregnant out of wedlock.
7) She is a member of the American Riflemen's
Association ... actually owns firearms ... and
knows how to use them.
8) She has killed a moose, among other animals
- and spreads the propaganda that it is hunters,
through their license fees, that keep American
wildlife from becoming extinct.
9) She often does her own grocery and other
household shopping.
10) She drives a car, and flies a plane.
11) She chose to give birth to a defective
child, rather than allow a skilled abortion
Doctor to kill it for her.
12) She refuses to apologize for seeking the
termination of an Alaskan State Trooper just
because he applied a gentle taser to his
12-year-old stepson (who, of course, happened
to be Gov. Palin's nephew).
13) She is inexperienced. And she refuses to
admit that her duties as the chief executive
in the State of Alaska are nowhere near
equal to those of a public servant who was
once a community organizer, or that of a
United States Senator who has carried the
awesome burden of overseeing a staff of
political appointees -- for a burdensome
137 days!!
14) She has a son who is in the U.S. Military,
deployed to the Persian Gulf - probably
making her prejudiced against all the
peaceful Muslims in that part of the world.
15) She is on Oprah Winfrey's 'Do Not Invite'
list!!!! (dear God!!!)
16) She professes to be a Christian, but
has no 'Spiritual Adviser' - even though
Rev. Jeremiah Wright, who served Sen.
Obama in that capacity for 20 years, appears
to be available....
17) She isn't really a 'beauty queen,' as
advertised. She was only the runner-up in
the Miss Alaska Contest; and Alaska is not
a very populous state, anyway -- slim pickens....
18) The Obama-Biden ticket is favored over
McCain-Palin, 80% to 20%, by our friendly
allies in France.
19) Her children are not properly trained
in hygiene. (Did you see her 7-year-old
daughter shamelessly lick the entire palm
of her hand at the convention, then use it
to slick down the hair of her little brother?)
20) She is of mixed English, German, and
Irish ancestry - and you KNOW you can't
trust the Limey's, Krauts, or Micks.
21) Back to No. 1: This is the one that really
galls modern, liberal 'feminists.' Gov. Palin
is a Woman, a female-type wife and mother,
who shaves her legs, wears makeup, dresses
smartly, often cooks meals for her family,
doesn't give a hoot about the National
Organization for Women or the all-powerful
Teachers Unions - and obviously will never,
ever fit in as a member of the "Washington Elite".
Do we want a person like this to be the
Vice-President of the United States ?
HELL, YESSSS!! You bet we do!!! :-)
#####
THE FACTS OF LIFE
But the desire for free stuff is pandemic,
and Frosty Woodbridge at NewsWithViews.com
talks about this very point when he says that
“Our U.S. Senate along with Obama and
McCain protect the interests of 20 million
illegal aliens that take jobs from American
citizens!
Has either man EVER stepped up to stop
400,000 ANNUAL ILLEGAL alien anchor
babies and their mothers from sucking out
of the U.S. taxpayer’s pocket?
Even while 86 hospitals in California and
Arizona are bankrupted out of existence
because of millions of illegals using services
for free?”
(thanks to federal mandates!!)
#####
and Frosty Woodbridge at NewsWithViews.com
talks about this very point when he says that
“Our U.S. Senate along with Obama and
McCain protect the interests of 20 million
illegal aliens that take jobs from American
citizens!
Has either man EVER stepped up to stop
400,000 ANNUAL ILLEGAL alien anchor
babies and their mothers from sucking out
of the U.S. taxpayer’s pocket?
Even while 86 hospitals in California and
Arizona are bankrupted out of existence
because of millions of illegals using services
for free?”
(thanks to federal mandates!!)
#####
POLITICAL THEORY 101
"Political Correctness" is a doctrine,
fostered by a delusional, illogical minority,
and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous
mainstream media, which holds forth the
proposition that
"it is entirely possible to pick up a turd
by the clean end".
#####
fostered by a delusional, illogical minority,
and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous
mainstream media, which holds forth the
proposition that
"it is entirely possible to pick up a turd
by the clean end".
#####
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
POLITICAL STRAGEGY
Since President Bush currently has such a
low approval rating – why don’t we get
him – last minute, of course – to go on all
the networks and voice his support to elect
Barak Hussein Obama!
I bet McCain would win, for sure, by doing
that!
#####
low approval rating – why don’t we get
him – last minute, of course – to go on all
the networks and voice his support to elect
Barak Hussein Obama!
I bet McCain would win, for sure, by doing
that!
#####
Monday, October 20, 2008
THE BODIES
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces.
The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.The Coroner tells the Inspector: "First body is a 72 year old Frenchman.He died of heart failure while with his mistress. Hence the enormous smile.""The second body is an Irishman, 25 years of age.
He won a thousand dollars on the lottery and spent it all on whisky.
Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?""Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one.
Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House, 66, struck by lightning.""Why is she smiling then?" inquires the Inspector."Thought she was having her picture taken."
The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.The Coroner tells the Inspector: "First body is a 72 year old Frenchman.He died of heart failure while with his mistress. Hence the enormous smile.""The second body is an Irishman, 25 years of age.
He won a thousand dollars on the lottery and spent it all on whisky.
Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?""Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one.
Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House, 66, struck by lightning.""Why is she smiling then?" inquires the Inspector."Thought she was having her picture taken."
Friday, October 17, 2008
CHICAGO
Just the facts, sir!
Body count. In the last six months,
Chicago - 292 killed (murdered)
Iraq - 221
Chicago is a combat zone. Who is in charge?
The leadership in Illinois. And they are:
Senator Barack Obama (Democrat)
Senator Dick Durbin (Democrat)
Representative Jesse Jackson Jr. (Democrat)
Governor. Rod Blogojevich (Democrat)
House leader Mike Madigan (Democrat)
Attorney. General Lisa Madigan (daughter of Mike),
(Democrat)
Mayor Richard M. Daley (son of former Mayor
Richard J. Daley) (Democrat)
And who is to blame? Of course they're all
blaming each other. Why? They can't blame
Republicans -- there aren't any!
The state pension fund is $44 Billion in debt,
worst in country.
Cook County (Chicago) Sales tax 10.25%
highest in country. (Look it up if you want).
Chicago school system -- one of the worst in
the country.
This is the political culture that Obama comes
from in Illinois. And he says he is going to 'fix'
Washington politics? LOL
#####
Body count. In the last six months,
Chicago - 292 killed (murdered)
Iraq - 221
Chicago is a combat zone. Who is in charge?
The leadership in Illinois. And they are:
Senator Barack Obama (Democrat)
Senator Dick Durbin (Democrat)
Representative Jesse Jackson Jr. (Democrat)
Governor. Rod Blogojevich (Democrat)
House leader Mike Madigan (Democrat)
Attorney. General Lisa Madigan (daughter of Mike),
(Democrat)
Mayor Richard M. Daley (son of former Mayor
Richard J. Daley) (Democrat)
And who is to blame? Of course they're all
blaming each other. Why? They can't blame
Republicans -- there aren't any!
The state pension fund is $44 Billion in debt,
worst in country.
Cook County (Chicago) Sales tax 10.25%
highest in country. (Look it up if you want).
Chicago school system -- one of the worst in
the country.
This is the political culture that Obama comes
from in Illinois. And he says he is going to 'fix'
Washington politics? LOL
#####
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
SARAH AND THE POPE
Sarah Palin is invited to meet with the Pope while he is vacationing in Venice. The liberal press reluctantly watches the semi-private audience, hoping they will be able to allot minimal coverage, if any.
The Pope asks Governor Palin to join him on a Gondola ride through the canals of Venice. They’re admiring the sights and agreeing on moral issues when, all of a sudden, the Pope’s hat (zucchetto) blows off his head and out into the water. The gondolier starts to reach for the Pontiff’s cap with his pole, but this move threatens to overturn the floating craft.
Sarah waves the tour guide off, saying, “Wait, wait. I’ll take care of this. Don’t worry.” She steps off the gondola onto the surface of the water and walks out to the Pope’s hat, bends over and picks it up. She walks back across the water to the gondola and steps aboard. She hands the hat to the Pope amid stunned silence.
The next morning, the headlines and topic of conversation among Democrats in Congress, CBS News, NBC News, ABC News, CNN, the New York Times, Hollywood celebrities, and in France and Germany is:
"“Palin Can't Swim!”"
#####
The Pope asks Governor Palin to join him on a Gondola ride through the canals of Venice. They’re admiring the sights and agreeing on moral issues when, all of a sudden, the Pope’s hat (zucchetto) blows off his head and out into the water. The gondolier starts to reach for the Pontiff’s cap with his pole, but this move threatens to overturn the floating craft.
Sarah waves the tour guide off, saying, “Wait, wait. I’ll take care of this. Don’t worry.” She steps off the gondola onto the surface of the water and walks out to the Pope’s hat, bends over and picks it up. She walks back across the water to the gondola and steps aboard. She hands the hat to the Pope amid stunned silence.
The next morning, the headlines and topic of conversation among Democrats in Congress, CBS News, NBC News, ABC News, CNN, the New York Times, Hollywood celebrities, and in France and Germany is:
"“Palin Can't Swim!”"
#####
Monday, October 13, 2008
ILLEGAL ALIENS
From the MANITOBA HERALD, Canada :
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The possibility of a McCain/Palin election is prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly.
Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal rights activists, and Unitarians crossing their fields at night. “I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield , whose acreage borders North Dakota . The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields.
'Not real effective,' he said. 'The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk.'
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves. 'A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions,' an Ontario border patrolman said. 'I found one carload without a drop of drinking water.' They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though.'
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the McCain administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to shoot wolves from airplanes, deny evolution, and act out drills preparing them for the Rapture.
In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers on Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney hits to prove they were alive in the '50s. 'If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age,' an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies. 'I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them,' an Ottawa resident said. 'How many art-history and English majors does one country need?'
#####
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The possibility of a McCain/Palin election is prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly.
Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal rights activists, and Unitarians crossing their fields at night. “I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield , whose acreage borders North Dakota . The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields.
'Not real effective,' he said. 'The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk.'
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves. 'A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions,' an Ontario border patrolman said. 'I found one carload without a drop of drinking water.' They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though.'
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the McCain administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to shoot wolves from airplanes, deny evolution, and act out drills preparing them for the Rapture.
In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers on Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney hits to prove they were alive in the '50s. 'If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age,' an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies. 'I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them,' an Ottawa resident said. 'How many art-history and English majors does one country need?'
#####
THE DIFFERENCE
Q: What’s the difference between a
pigeon and a Wall Street investment
banker?
A: The pigeon can still make a deposit
on a brand new Porsche.
#####
pigeon and a Wall Street investment
banker?
A: The pigeon can still make a deposit
on a brand new Porsche.
#####
Saturday, October 11, 2008
THANKSGIVING THOUGHT
Just think - if the Indians had given
the Pilgrim fathers a donkey instead
of a turkey --
we all would be having a piece of ass
for thanksgiving!!
#####
the Pilgrim fathers a donkey instead
of a turkey --
we all would be having a piece of ass
for thanksgiving!!
#####
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
NOTES FROM HEAVEN
John McCain, Hillary Clinton, and Barack
Obama all die and go to heaven.
God looks down from his throne and asks
McCain, “Do you think you deserve to be
in heaven?”
McCain takes a breath and then replies,
“Well, I think so because I was a great
leader and tried to follow the words in
your Great Book.”
God looks down and then says, “You can
sit to my left side.”
So, McCain takes his seat and then God
asks the same question to Hillary,
“Do you think you deserve to be in
heaven?”
Hillary thinks for a second and then
replies, “I think so because I have been
fighting for the rights of so many people
for so long.”
God again looks down and this time says,
“You can sit to my right side.”
Finally God turns to Barack Obama and
asks, “Do you think you deserve to be in
heaven?”
Obama merely smiles and replies,
“I think you’re in my seat.....”
#####
Obama all die and go to heaven.
God looks down from his throne and asks
McCain, “Do you think you deserve to be
in heaven?”
McCain takes a breath and then replies,
“Well, I think so because I was a great
leader and tried to follow the words in
your Great Book.”
God looks down and then says, “You can
sit to my left side.”
So, McCain takes his seat and then God
asks the same question to Hillary,
“Do you think you deserve to be in
heaven?”
Hillary thinks for a second and then
replies, “I think so because I have been
fighting for the rights of so many people
for so long.”
God again looks down and this time says,
“You can sit to my right side.”
Finally God turns to Barack Obama and
asks, “Do you think you deserve to be in
heaven?”
Obama merely smiles and replies,
“I think you’re in my seat.....”
#####
BUBBA AND THE GUV'MINT
Down south, Bubba called his attorney and
asked, 'Is it true theys suin' them cigarette
companies fer causing people to git cancer?'
'Yes, Bubba, sure is true,' responded the lawyer.
'And now someone is suin them fast food
restaurants Fer makin them fat and cloggin'
their arteries with all them burgers an fries,
is that true, Mista Lawyer?'
'Sure is, Bubba.'
'And that lady sued McDonalds for millions
when she was gave that hot coffee that she
ordered?'
'Yep.'
'And that football player sued that university
when he gradiated and still couldn't read?'
'That's right,' said the lawyer.'
'But why are you asking?'
'Well, I was thinkin . ..
What I want to know is, kin I sue Budweiser
fer all them ugly women I slept with?'
#####
asked, 'Is it true theys suin' them cigarette
companies fer causing people to git cancer?'
'Yes, Bubba, sure is true,' responded the lawyer.
'And now someone is suin them fast food
restaurants Fer makin them fat and cloggin'
their arteries with all them burgers an fries,
is that true, Mista Lawyer?'
'Sure is, Bubba.'
'And that lady sued McDonalds for millions
when she was gave that hot coffee that she
ordered?'
'Yep.'
'And that football player sued that university
when he gradiated and still couldn't read?'
'That's right,' said the lawyer.'
'But why are you asking?'
'Well, I was thinkin . ..
What I want to know is, kin I sue Budweiser
fer all them ugly women I slept with?'
#####
Sunday, October 5, 2008
THE DIFFERENCE
On television today, a Democratic operative
pointed out that when Obama holds a rally
25-30,000 people show up -- whereas when
McCain holds one he only draws 10-15,000.
The Republican spokesman replied,
'That's understandable...most of McCain's
supporters are at work.....'
#####
pointed out that when Obama holds a rally
25-30,000 people show up -- whereas when
McCain holds one he only draws 10-15,000.
The Republican spokesman replied,
'That's understandable...most of McCain's
supporters are at work.....'
#####
Saturday, October 4, 2008
CAMPAINING IN TEXAS
I don't care who you are or what you believe in,
this is funny!!
Barack Obama, the lead Presidential Democratic
Party candidate, is for banning all guns in America.
He is considered by those who have dealt with
him as a bit more than just a little self-righteous.
At a recent rural elementary school assembly in
East Texas, he asked the audience for total quiet.
Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his
hands once every few seconds, holding the
audience in total silence.
Then he said into the microphone,
'Children, every time I clap my hands together,
a child in America dies from gun violence.'
Then, little Richard Earl, with a proud
East Texas drawl, pierced the quiet and said:
''Well, dumb-ass, stop clapping!!'
#####
this is funny!!
Barack Obama, the lead Presidential Democratic
Party candidate, is for banning all guns in America.
He is considered by those who have dealt with
him as a bit more than just a little self-righteous.
At a recent rural elementary school assembly in
East Texas, he asked the audience for total quiet.
Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his
hands once every few seconds, holding the
audience in total silence.
Then he said into the microphone,
'Children, every time I clap my hands together,
a child in America dies from gun violence.'
Then, little Richard Earl, with a proud
East Texas drawl, pierced the quiet and said:
''Well, dumb-ass, stop clapping!!'
#####
PARKING TICKET STORY
Maybe we should all try things like this!!
The other day I went downtown to run a few
errands. I went into the local coffee shop for
a snack. I was only there for about 5 minutes.
When I came out, there was this cop writing
out a parking ticket.
I said to him, 'Come on, man, how about
giving a retired person a break?'
He ignored me and continued writing the
ticket. His insensitivity annoyed me, so I
called him a 'Nazi.' He glared at me and then
wrote out another ticket for having worn tires.
So I proceeded to call him 'doughnut eating
Gestapo.' He finished the second ticket and
put it on the windshield with the first.
Then he wrote a third ticket when I called him
a moron in blue. This went on for about 20
minutes. The more I talked back to him the
more tickets he wrote.
Personally, I didn't really care. I came
downtown on the bus. The car that he was
putting the tickets on had one of those
bumper stickers that said, "McCain in '08".
I try to have a little fun each day now that
I'm retired. The doctor tells me that it's
important to my health!!
#####
The other day I went downtown to run a few
errands. I went into the local coffee shop for
a snack. I was only there for about 5 minutes.
When I came out, there was this cop writing
out a parking ticket.
I said to him, 'Come on, man, how about
giving a retired person a break?'
He ignored me and continued writing the
ticket. His insensitivity annoyed me, so I
called him a 'Nazi.' He glared at me and then
wrote out another ticket for having worn tires.
So I proceeded to call him 'doughnut eating
Gestapo.' He finished the second ticket and
put it on the windshield with the first.
Then he wrote a third ticket when I called him
a moron in blue. This went on for about 20
minutes. The more I talked back to him the
more tickets he wrote.
Personally, I didn't really care. I came
downtown on the bus. The car that he was
putting the tickets on had one of those
bumper stickers that said, "McCain in '08".
I try to have a little fun each day now that
I'm retired. The doctor tells me that it's
important to my health!!
#####
Friday, October 3, 2008
HOW THE SENATE VOTED
THIS IS THE COMPLETE LIST OF HOW
the senate voted on the bailout bill....
remember this at election time!!!!!
NEVER VOTE FOR AN INCUMBANT!!!!
http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1008/14196.html
the senate voted on the bailout bill....
remember this at election time!!!!!
NEVER VOTE FOR AN INCUMBANT!!!!
http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1008/14196.html
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
POLITICS EXPLAINED
THIS IS A NON-PARTISAN JOKE,
THAT CAN BE ENJOYED BY BOTH PARTIES!
While walking down the street one day a US
senator is tragically hit by atruck and dies.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by
St. Peter at the entrance.
'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter...
'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem.
We seldom see a high official around these
parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do
with you.'
'No problem, just let me in,' says the senator.
'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher
up. What we'll do is have you spend one day
in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose
where to spend eternity.'
'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in
heaven,' says the senator.
'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.'
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator
and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors
open and he finds himself in the middle of a
green golf course. In the distance is a club house
and standing in front of it are all his friends and
other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress.
They run to greet him, shake his hand, and
reminisce about the good times they had while
getting rich at the expense of the people.
They play a friendly game of golf and then dine
on lobster, caviar and champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very
friendly guy who has agood time dancing and
telling jokes. They are having such a good time
that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves
while the elevator rises. The elevator goes up,
up, up and the door re-opens on heaven where
St. Peter is waiting for him.
'Now it's time to visit heaven.'
So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a
group of contented souls moving from cloud
to cloud, playing the harp and singing.
They have a good time and, before he realizes
it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter
returns.
'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and
another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.'
The senator reflects for a minute, then answers:
'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean
heaven has been delightful, but I think I would
be better off in hell.'
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he
goes down, down, down to hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and he's
in the middle of a barren land covered with
waste and garbage. He sees all his friends,
dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting
it in black bags as more trash falls from above....
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm
around his shoulder.
'I don'tunderstand,' stammers the senator.
'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf
course and club house, and we ate lobster
and caviar, drank champagne,and danced
and had a great time. Now there's just a
wasteland full of garbage and my friends
look miserable. What happened??'
The devil looks at him, smiles and says.....
'Yesterday we were campaigning.
Today you voted!!
#####
THAT CAN BE ENJOYED BY BOTH PARTIES!
While walking down the street one day a US
senator is tragically hit by atruck and dies.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by
St. Peter at the entrance.
'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter...
'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem.
We seldom see a high official around these
parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do
with you.'
'No problem, just let me in,' says the senator.
'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher
up. What we'll do is have you spend one day
in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose
where to spend eternity.'
'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in
heaven,' says the senator.
'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.'
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator
and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors
open and he finds himself in the middle of a
green golf course. In the distance is a club house
and standing in front of it are all his friends and
other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress.
They run to greet him, shake his hand, and
reminisce about the good times they had while
getting rich at the expense of the people.
They play a friendly game of golf and then dine
on lobster, caviar and champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very
friendly guy who has agood time dancing and
telling jokes. They are having such a good time
that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves
while the elevator rises. The elevator goes up,
up, up and the door re-opens on heaven where
St. Peter is waiting for him.
'Now it's time to visit heaven.'
So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a
group of contented souls moving from cloud
to cloud, playing the harp and singing.
They have a good time and, before he realizes
it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter
returns.
'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and
another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.'
The senator reflects for a minute, then answers:
'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean
heaven has been delightful, but I think I would
be better off in hell.'
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he
goes down, down, down to hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and he's
in the middle of a barren land covered with
waste and garbage. He sees all his friends,
dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting
it in black bags as more trash falls from above....
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm
around his shoulder.
'I don'tunderstand,' stammers the senator.
'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf
course and club house, and we ate lobster
and caviar, drank champagne,and danced
and had a great time. Now there's just a
wasteland full of garbage and my friends
look miserable. What happened??'
The devil looks at him, smiles and says.....
'Yesterday we were campaigning.
Today you voted!!
#####
Thursday, September 25, 2008
DISTRESSED SOLDIER
UNCLASSIFIED
A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath
he asked, 'Please, may I hide under your
skirt. I'll explain later.'
The nun agreed. A moment later two
Military Police ran up and asked, Sister,
have you seen a soldier?'
The nun replied, 'He went that way.'
After the MP's ran off, the soldier crawled
out from under her skirt and said, 'I can't
thank you enough Sister. You see, I don't
want to go to Iraq ...'
The nun said, 'I understand completely.'
The soldier added, 'I hope I'm not rude, but
you have a great pair of legs!'
The nun replied, 'If you had looked a little
higher, you would have seen agreat pair
of balls too.... I don't want to go to Iraq either!!'
#####
A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath
he asked, 'Please, may I hide under your
skirt. I'll explain later.'
The nun agreed. A moment later two
Military Police ran up and asked, Sister,
have you seen a soldier?'
The nun replied, 'He went that way.'
After the MP's ran off, the soldier crawled
out from under her skirt and said, 'I can't
thank you enough Sister. You see, I don't
want to go to Iraq ...'
The nun said, 'I understand completely.'
The soldier added, 'I hope I'm not rude, but
you have a great pair of legs!'
The nun replied, 'If you had looked a little
higher, you would have seen agreat pair
of balls too.... I don't want to go to Iraq either!!'
#####
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
BAILOUT SATIRE
Dear American:
I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude. I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you. I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s. This transaction is 100% safe. This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred. Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to wallstreetbailout@ treasury. gov so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.
Yours Faithfully,
Minister of Treasury Paulson
#####
I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude. I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you. I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s. This transaction is 100% safe. This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred. Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to wallstreetbailout@ treasury. gov so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.
Yours Faithfully,
Minister of Treasury Paulson
#####
Monday, September 22, 2008
WORKING FOR THE GUV'MINT
Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.
The first man was an Engineer,
the second man was an Accountant,
the third man was a Chemist, and
the fourth man was a Government Employee.
To show off, the Engineer called his cat, 'T-square, do your stuff.'
T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said,
'Spreadsheet, do your stuff.'
Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies.
Everyone agreed that was good.
But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, 'Measure, do your stuff.'
Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured
exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass.
Everyone agreed that was pretty good.
Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, 'What can your cat do?'
The Government Employee called his cat and said, 'CoffeeBreak, do your stuff.'
CoffeeBreak jumped to his feet.......
ate the cookies..... ...
drank the milk.......
sh*t on the paper.......
screwed the other three cats.......
claimed he injured his back while doing so.......
filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions.. .....
put in for Workers Compensation. ......... .....and
went home for the rest of the day on sick leave....... .....
AND THAT, MY FRIEND IS WHY EVERYONE
WANTS TO WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT!!
#####
The first man was an Engineer,
the second man was an Accountant,
the third man was a Chemist, and
the fourth man was a Government Employee.
To show off, the Engineer called his cat, 'T-square, do your stuff.'
T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said,
'Spreadsheet, do your stuff.'
Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies.
Everyone agreed that was good.
But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, 'Measure, do your stuff.'
Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured
exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass.
Everyone agreed that was pretty good.
Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, 'What can your cat do?'
The Government Employee called his cat and said, 'CoffeeBreak, do your stuff.'
CoffeeBreak jumped to his feet.......
ate the cookies..... ...
drank the milk.......
sh*t on the paper.......
screwed the other three cats.......
claimed he injured his back while doing so.......
filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions.. .....
put in for Workers Compensation. ......... .....and
went home for the rest of the day on sick leave....... .....
AND THAT, MY FRIEND IS WHY EVERYONE
WANTS TO WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT!!
#####
Sunday, September 21, 2008
THE FIRST BOOK OF THE GOP
FIRST BOOK OF GOP
George W. Is My Shepherd,
I Shall Want.
He Leadeth Me Beside Still Factories,
He Restoreth My Faith In The Democratic
Party,
He Guideth Me In The Paths Of Unemployment.
Yea, Though I Walk Through The Valley Of
The Forclosured
I Shall Not go Without Sleep.
And I Will Live Forever In a Rented Room.
George W. Has mortgaged my future with war
expenses.
My Expenses Runneth Over My Income,
Surely, Poverty And Hard Living Will Follow Me
All The Days Of My Life.
But I Am Glad I Am an American,
I Am Glad That I Am Free.
But For a Day, I Wish I Was A Dog,
And George W. was a Tree!!
####
George W. Is My Shepherd,
I Shall Want.
He Leadeth Me Beside Still Factories,
He Restoreth My Faith In The Democratic
Party,
He Guideth Me In The Paths Of Unemployment.
Yea, Though I Walk Through The Valley Of
The Forclosured
I Shall Not go Without Sleep.
And I Will Live Forever In a Rented Room.
George W. Has mortgaged my future with war
expenses.
My Expenses Runneth Over My Income,
Surely, Poverty And Hard Living Will Follow Me
All The Days Of My Life.
But I Am Glad I Am an American,
I Am Glad That I Am Free.
But For a Day, I Wish I Was A Dog,
And George W. was a Tree!!
####
Saturday, September 20, 2008
MINNESOTA HUMOR
Now this is just Minnesota funny. The Presidential election was too close to call. Neither the Republican candidate nor the Democratic candidate had enough votes to win. There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the sportsmanlike way to settle things. The candidate that caught the most fish at the end of the week would win the election.Therefore, it was decided that there should be an ice fishing contest between the two candidates to determine the winner.After much of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest take place on a remote frozen lake in northern Minnesota .There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this isolated lake and return at 5 P.M. with their catch for counting and verification by a team of neutral parties. At the end of the first day, John Mc. returned to the starting line and he had ten fish.Soon, Obama returned and had no fish. Well, everyone assumed he was just having another 'bad hair' day or something and hopefully, he would catch up the next day.At the end of the 2nd day John Mc. came in with 20 fish and Obama came in again with none.That evening, Harry Reid got together secretly with Obama and said, 'Obama, I think John Mc. is a low-life, cheatin' son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don't even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see just ho w he is cheating.'The next night (after John Mc. returns with 50 fish), said to Obama, 'Well, tell me, how is John Mc. cheating?'Obama replied, 'Harry, you're not going to believe this, but he's cutting holes in the ice!!'
#####
#####
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
AND THEY ALL VOTE!!
Dear Abby Admitted She Was At A Loss To Answer The Following!
Dear Abby, A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
Dear Abby, What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence on my VCR?
Dear Abby, I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.
Dear Abby, I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.
Dear Abby, I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.
Dear Abby, Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
Dear Abby, I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?
Dear Abby, My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.
Dear Abby, I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.
Dear Abby, My mother is mean and short tempered. I think she is going through mental pause.
Dear Abby, You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?
Remember these people can vote, which probably explains the current situation in Washington, DC.
Dear Abby, A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
Dear Abby, What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence on my VCR?
Dear Abby, I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.
Dear Abby, I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.
Dear Abby, I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.
Dear Abby, Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
Dear Abby, I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?
Dear Abby, My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.
Dear Abby, I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.
Dear Abby, My mother is mean and short tempered. I think she is going through mental pause.
Dear Abby, You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?
Remember these people can vote, which probably explains the current situation in Washington, DC.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
HIRING COMPARISONS
Subj: If You Were the Boss, who would you hire?
Is this a no brainer?????
With America facing historic debt, multiple
war fronts, stumbling health care, a weak
dollar, all-time high prison population,
skyrocketing Federal spending, mortgage
crises, bank foreclosures, etc. etc., this is an
unusually critical election year.
Let's look at the educational background of
our two options:
�Obama:>� Occidental College - Two years.>� Columbia University - B.A.political science with a specialization in>� international relations.>� Harvard - Juris Doctor (J.D.) Magna CumLaude>>�Biden:>� University of Delaware - B.A. inhistory and B.A. in political science.>� Syracuse University College of Law - Juris Doctor (J.D.)>>� vs.>>�McCain:>� United States Naval Academy- Class rank 894 of 899>>�Palin:>� Hawaii Pacific University- 1 semester>� North Idaho College- 2 semesters - general study>� University of Idaho - 2 semesters -journalism>� Matanuska-Susitna College - 1 semester>� University of Idaho - 3 semesters -B.A. in journalism>>Now, which team are you going to hire?
#####
Is this a no brainer?????
With America facing historic debt, multiple
war fronts, stumbling health care, a weak
dollar, all-time high prison population,
skyrocketing Federal spending, mortgage
crises, bank foreclosures, etc. etc., this is an
unusually critical election year.
Let's look at the educational background of
our two options:
�Obama:>� Occidental College - Two years.>� Columbia University - B.A.political science with a specialization in>� international relations.>� Harvard - Juris Doctor (J.D.) Magna CumLaude>>�Biden:>� University of Delaware - B.A. inhistory and B.A. in political science.>� Syracuse University College of Law - Juris Doctor (J.D.)>>� vs.>>�McCain:>� United States Naval Academy- Class rank 894 of 899>>�Palin:>� Hawaii Pacific University- 1 semester>� North Idaho College- 2 semesters - general study>� University of Idaho - 2 semesters -journalism>� Matanuska-Susitna College - 1 semester>� University of Idaho - 3 semesters -B.A. in journalism>>Now, which team are you going to hire?
#####
Sunday, September 14, 2008
THE LIE CLOCK
A man died and went to heaven. As he
stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly
Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind
him.
He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks.
Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie the hands on your
clock will move."
"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have
never moved, indicating that she never
told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man". And whose
clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham
Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved
twice, telling us that Abe told only two
lies in his entire life."
"Where's President Bush's clock?" asked
the man.
"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's
using it as a ceiling fan!!"
#####
stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly
Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind
him.
He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks.
Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie the hands on your
clock will move."
"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have
never moved, indicating that she never
told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man". And whose
clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham
Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved
twice, telling us that Abe told only two
lies in his entire life."
"Where's President Bush's clock?" asked
the man.
"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's
using it as a ceiling fan!!"
#####
Friday, September 12, 2008
WHY I'M VOTING FOR THE DEMOCRATS
I've finally made up my mind on this
November's election. I don't know why it
has taken this long. It was right in front of
me!!!
I'm voting for Democrats because I believe
the government will do a better job of
spending the money I earn than I would.
I'm voting Democratic because freedom
of speech is fine as long as nobody is
offended by it.
I'm voting Democratic because when we pull
out of Iraq I trust that the bad guys will stop
what they're doing because they now think
we're good people.
I'm voting Democratic because I believe that
people who can't tell us if it will rain on
friday CAN tell us that the polar ice caps will
melt away in ten years if I don't start driving
a Prius.
I'm voting Democratic because I'm not
concerned about the slaughter of millions of
babies so long as we keep all death row
inmates alive.
I'm voting Democratic because I believe
that business should not be allowed to make
profits for themselves. They need to break
even and give the rest away to the
government for redistribution as THEY
see fit.
I'm voting Democratic because I believe
three or four pointy-headed elitist liberals
need to re-write the Constitution every few
days to suit some fringe kooks who would
NEVER get their agendas past the voters.
I'm voting Democratic because I believe
that when the terrorists don't have to hide
from us over there, when they come over
here I don't want to have any guns in the
house to fight them off with.
I'm voting Democratic because I believe
oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon
of gas are obscene but the government
taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn't.
Makes you wonder why anyone would
EVER vote for any other party, doesn't it??
#####
November's election. I don't know why it
has taken this long. It was right in front of
me!!!
I'm voting for Democrats because I believe
the government will do a better job of
spending the money I earn than I would.
I'm voting Democratic because freedom
of speech is fine as long as nobody is
offended by it.
I'm voting Democratic because when we pull
out of Iraq I trust that the bad guys will stop
what they're doing because they now think
we're good people.
I'm voting Democratic because I believe that
people who can't tell us if it will rain on
friday CAN tell us that the polar ice caps will
melt away in ten years if I don't start driving
a Prius.
I'm voting Democratic because I'm not
concerned about the slaughter of millions of
babies so long as we keep all death row
inmates alive.
I'm voting Democratic because I believe
that business should not be allowed to make
profits for themselves. They need to break
even and give the rest away to the
government for redistribution as THEY
see fit.
I'm voting Democratic because I believe
three or four pointy-headed elitist liberals
need to re-write the Constitution every few
days to suit some fringe kooks who would
NEVER get their agendas past the voters.
I'm voting Democratic because I believe
that when the terrorists don't have to hide
from us over there, when they come over
here I don't want to have any guns in the
house to fight them off with.
I'm voting Democratic because I believe
oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon
of gas are obscene but the government
taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn't.
Makes you wonder why anyone would
EVER vote for any other party, doesn't it??
#####
REPUBLICAN PLATFORM
This is the new Republican Platform,
because real change is what this country
needs!!
1. God created the earth 5000 years ago.
2. "Speaking in tongues" will replace English
as the national language.
3. Moose hunting will be required curriculum
for junior high school students.
4. Homosexuality will once again be outlawed.
5. AIDS is God's punishment for homosexuals
as predicted in Sodom and Gamora, and
therefore no further medical treatment will be
offered allowing Jesus to complete his final
solution.
6. God has ordained the Amercans to begin a
new holy Crusade to the Middle East wiping
out all non-believers, and maybe a few jews
on the way back home.
7. The jews killed Jesus Christ.
8. Interracial marriage will be discouraged but
temporarily left up to the states to decide.
9. Social Security and Medicare will be
eliminated, justification being these programs
were tied to the socialist-atheistic past of FDR.
10. Christian prayer will be required in all
public and private schools. Private schools
will have the option of offering prayers from
other religions for the time being, until a
proper study can be made to determine if
Jesus approves.
11. The American flag's stars are to be replaced
by a glowing head of Jesus Christ.
12. Abortion will be outlawed including
mothers in mortal danger, punishable by
stoning to death.
13. Birth control pills will be outlawed, and
the rhythm method substituted as the true
scientific means of reducing teen pregnancy.
14. All stem cell research will be eliminated.
15. Foreign aid will only be available to
christianic countries who serve America's
interests and shares its family and religious
values.
16. All immigration to America will be be
stopped.
17. Owning a gun for those over 14 will be
encouraged and approved providing racial
requirements have been met.
18. All books will have to meet the guidelines
as set forth by the (CCLV) Committee of
Christianic Literary Values, to determine if
it meets Christian goals by enstilling Christ
in the daily lives of the American people.
(note: AP reports that the Librarian in Alaska
who denied Gov. Palin the right to ban books
has since been fired and relocated to an
Alaskan bible camp for re-education).
19. Bible camps will be established throughout
America as forced internment of undesirables
and non-believers as determined by the
(DCC) Dept. of Christianic Corrections.
20. The pledge of allegiance will always be
followed by the lord's prayer.
......................This is only the beginning.......
I'm getting my Costa Rican citizenship.
(and please take alex baldwin and barbra
streisand with you!!)
#####
because real change is what this country
needs!!
1. God created the earth 5000 years ago.
2. "Speaking in tongues" will replace English
as the national language.
3. Moose hunting will be required curriculum
for junior high school students.
4. Homosexuality will once again be outlawed.
5. AIDS is God's punishment for homosexuals
as predicted in Sodom and Gamora, and
therefore no further medical treatment will be
offered allowing Jesus to complete his final
solution.
6. God has ordained the Amercans to begin a
new holy Crusade to the Middle East wiping
out all non-believers, and maybe a few jews
on the way back home.
7. The jews killed Jesus Christ.
8. Interracial marriage will be discouraged but
temporarily left up to the states to decide.
9. Social Security and Medicare will be
eliminated, justification being these programs
were tied to the socialist-atheistic past of FDR.
10. Christian prayer will be required in all
public and private schools. Private schools
will have the option of offering prayers from
other religions for the time being, until a
proper study can be made to determine if
Jesus approves.
11. The American flag's stars are to be replaced
by a glowing head of Jesus Christ.
12. Abortion will be outlawed including
mothers in mortal danger, punishable by
stoning to death.
13. Birth control pills will be outlawed, and
the rhythm method substituted as the true
scientific means of reducing teen pregnancy.
14. All stem cell research will be eliminated.
15. Foreign aid will only be available to
christianic countries who serve America's
interests and shares its family and religious
values.
16. All immigration to America will be be
stopped.
17. Owning a gun for those over 14 will be
encouraged and approved providing racial
requirements have been met.
18. All books will have to meet the guidelines
as set forth by the (CCLV) Committee of
Christianic Literary Values, to determine if
it meets Christian goals by enstilling Christ
in the daily lives of the American people.
(note: AP reports that the Librarian in Alaska
who denied Gov. Palin the right to ban books
has since been fired and relocated to an
Alaskan bible camp for re-education).
19. Bible camps will be established throughout
America as forced internment of undesirables
and non-believers as determined by the
(DCC) Dept. of Christianic Corrections.
20. The pledge of allegiance will always be
followed by the lord's prayer.
......................This is only the beginning.......
I'm getting my Costa Rican citizenship.
(and please take alex baldwin and barbra
streisand with you!!)
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