MISS THIS GUY??

'Here's my strategy on the Cold War: We win, they lose.'- Ronald Reagan
'The most terrifying words in the English language are:
I'm from the government and I'm here to help.' - Ronald Reagan
'The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they're ignorant;
it's just that they know so much that isn't so.' - Ronald Reagan'
Of the four wars in my lifetime, none came about because the
U.S. was too strong.'- Ronald Reagan
'I have wondered at times about what the Ten Commandments
would have looked like if Moses had run them through
the U.S. Congress.' - Ronald Reagan
'The taxpayer: That's someone who works for the federal government
but doesn't have to take the civil service examination.' - Ronald Reagan
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ECONOMIC NOTICE

Due to recent budget cuts and the cost of
electricity, gas, and oil -- as well as current
market conditions and the continued decline
of the U.S. economy --
The "Light at the End of the Tunnel" has been
turned off.
We apologize for any inconvenience.

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NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS

New Stock Market Terms
CEO – Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO - Corporate Fraud Office
BULL MARKET – A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius
BEAR MARKET – a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING – The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO – The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER – What my financial planner has made me.
STANDARD & POOR – Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST – Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT – When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
MARKET CORRECTION – The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW – The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. YAHOO – What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. WINDOWS – What you jump out of when you're the s ucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR – Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT – an archaic word no longer in use.# # # # #
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today.
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today.
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today.
But---- if you had purchased $1000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you will have received $214.00. Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily
& recycle. It's called the 401-Keg!!!
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SERIOUS FINANCIAL SITUATION

THIS IS WORSE THAN A DIVORCE!!

I LOST HALF MY MONEY AND STILL
HAVE MY WIFE....

POLITICAL PHILOSOPHY

1. In my many years I have come to a conclusion
that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm,
and three or more is a congress.
-- John Adams

2. If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed,
if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.
-- Mark Twain

3. Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a
member of Congress. But then I repeat myself.
-- Mark Twain

4. I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself
into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket
and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
-- Winston Churchill

5. A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can
always depend on the support of Paul.
-- George Bernard Shaw

6. A liberal is someone who feels a great debt
to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to
pay off with YOUR money!!
--G. Gordon Liddy
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A GREAT WRITER

There was once a young man who, in his youth,
professed a desire to become a "great" writer.

When asked to define "great" he said
"I want to write stuff that the whole world will
read, stuff that people will react to on a truly
emotional level, stuff that will make them scream,
cry, wail, howl in pain, desperation, and anger!!"

He now works for Microsoft writing non-sensical
error messages.....

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PROOF

Today's Quote:

"Americans grew tired of being thought
to be dumb by the rest of the world,
so they went to the polls and removed all
doubt!!"
(in 2000, 2004, 2008....)

LINCOLN / OBAMA

It is amazing how much they have in common.....


1. Lincoln placed his hand on the Bible for his inauguration. Obama used the same Bible.

2. Lincoln came from Illinois . Obama comes from Illinois .

3. Lincoln served in the Illinois Legislature. Obama served in the Illinois Legislature.

4. Lincoln had very little experience before becoming President. Obama had very little experience before becoming President.

5. Lincoln rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington for his inauguration. Obama rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington for his inauguration.

6. Lincoln was a skinny lawyer. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

7. Lincoln was a Republican. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

8. Lincoln was highly respected. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

9. Lincoln was born in the United States . Obama is a skinny lawyer.

10. Lincoln was called Honest Abe. Obama is a skinny lawyer.
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