REPUBLICAN PLATFORM

This is the new Republican Platform,
because real change is what this country
needs!!

1. God created the earth 5000 years ago.
2. "Speaking in tongues" will replace English
as the national language.
3. Moose hunting will be required curriculum
for junior high school students.
4. Homosexuality will once again be outlawed.
5. AIDS is God's punishment for homosexuals
as predicted in Sodom and Gamora, and
therefore no further medical treatment will be
offered allowing Jesus to complete his final
solution.
6. God has ordained the Amercans to begin a
new holy Crusade to the Middle East wiping
out all non-believers, and maybe a few jews
on the way back home.
7. The jews killed Jesus Christ.
8. Interracial marriage will be discouraged but
temporarily left up to the states to decide.
9. Social Security and Medicare will be
eliminated, justification being these programs
were tied to the socialist-atheistic past of FDR.
10. Christian prayer will be required in all
public and private schools. Private schools
will have the option of offering prayers from
other religions for the time being, until a
proper study can be made to determine if
Jesus approves.
11. The American flag's stars are to be replaced
by a glowing head of Jesus Christ.
12. Abortion will be outlawed including
mothers in mortal danger, punishable by
stoning to death.
13. Birth control pills will be outlawed, and
the rhythm method substituted as the true
scientific means of reducing teen pregnancy.
14. All stem cell research will be eliminated.
15. Foreign aid will only be available to
christianic countries who serve America's
interests and shares its family and religious
values.
16. All immigration to America will be be
stopped.
17. Owning a gun for those over 14 will be
encouraged and approved providing racial
requirements have been met.
18. All books will have to meet the guidelines
as set forth by the (CCLV) Committee of
Christianic Literary Values, to determine if
it meets Christian goals by enstilling Christ
in the daily lives of the American people.
(note: AP reports that the Librarian in Alaska
who denied Gov. Palin the right to ban books
has since been fired and relocated to an
Alaskan bible camp for re-education).
19. Bible camps will be established throughout
America as forced internment of undesirables
and non-believers as determined by the
(DCC) Dept. of Christianic Corrections.
20. The pledge of allegiance will always be
followed by the lord's prayer.

......................This is only the beginning.......
I'm getting my Costa Rican citizenship.
(and please take alex baldwin and barbra
streisand with you!!)
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