NOTES FROM HEAVEN

John McCain, Hillary Clinton, and Barack
Obama all die and go to heaven.
God looks down from his throne and asks
McCain, “Do you think you deserve to be
in heaven?”
McCain takes a breath and then replies,
“Well, I think so because I was a great
leader and tried to follow the words in
your Great Book.”
God looks down and then says, “You can
sit to my left side.”
So, McCain takes his seat and then God
asks the same question to Hillary,
“Do you think you deserve to be in
heaven?”
Hillary thinks for a second and then
replies, “I think so because I have been
fighting for the rights of so many people
for so long.”
God again looks down and this time says,
“You can sit to my right side.”
Finally God turns to Barack Obama and
asks, “Do you think you deserve to be in
heaven?”
Obama merely smiles and replies,
“I think you’re in my seat.....”
#####

BUBBA AND THE GUV'MINT

Down south, Bubba called his attorney and
asked, 'Is it true theys suin' them cigarette
companies fer causing people to git cancer?'
'Yes, Bubba, sure is true,' responded the lawyer.
'And now someone is suin them fast food
restaurants Fer makin them fat and cloggin'
their arteries with all them burgers an fries,
is that true, Mista Lawyer?'
'Sure is, Bubba.'
'And that lady sued McDonalds for millions
when she was gave that hot coffee that she
ordered?'
'Yep.'
'And that football player sued that university
when he gradiated and still couldn't read?'
'That's right,' said the lawyer.'
'But why are you asking?'
'Well, I was thinkin . ..
What I want to know is, kin I sue Budweiser
fer all them ugly women I slept with?'
#####

THE DIFFERENCE

On television today, a Democratic operative
pointed out that when Obama holds a rally
25-30,000 people show up -- whereas when
McCain holds one he only draws 10-15,000.

The Republican spokesman replied,
'That's understandable...most of McCain's
supporters are at work.....'
#####

CAMPAINING IN TEXAS

I don't care who you are or what you believe in,
this is funny!!

Barack Obama, the lead Presidential Democratic
Party candidate, is for banning all guns in America.
He is considered by those who have dealt with
him as a bit more than just a little self-righteous.
At a recent rural elementary school assembly in
East Texas, he asked the audience for total quiet.
Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his
hands once every few seconds, holding the
audience in total silence.
Then he said into the microphone,
'Children, every time I clap my hands together,
a child in America dies from gun violence.'
Then, little Richard Earl, with a proud
East Texas drawl, pierced the quiet and said:
''Well, dumb-ass, stop clapping!!'
#####

PARKING TICKET STORY

Maybe we should all try things like this!!
The other day I went downtown to run a few
errands. I went into the local coffee shop for
a snack. I was only there for about 5 minutes.
When I came out, there was this cop writing
out a parking ticket.
I said to him, 'Come on, man, how about
giving a retired person a break?'
He ignored me and continued writing the
ticket. His insensitivity annoyed me, so I
called him a 'Nazi.' He glared at me and then
wrote out another ticket for having worn tires.
So I proceeded to call him 'doughnut eating
Gestapo.' He finished the second ticket and
put it on the windshield with the first.
Then he wrote a third ticket when I called him
a moron in blue. This went on for about 20
minutes. The more I talked back to him the
more tickets he wrote.
Personally, I didn't really care. I came
downtown on the bus. The car that he was
putting the tickets on had one of those
bumper stickers that said, "McCain in '08".
I try to have a little fun each day now that
I'm retired. The doctor tells me that it's
important to my health!!
#####

HOW THE SENATE VOTED

THIS IS THE COMPLETE LIST OF HOW
the senate voted on the bailout bill....
remember this at election time!!!!!

NEVER VOTE FOR AN INCUMBANT!!!!

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1008/14196.html

POLITICS EXPLAINED

THIS IS A NON-PARTISAN JOKE,
THAT CAN BE ENJOYED BY BOTH PARTIES!

While walking down the street one day a US
senator is tragically hit by atruck and dies.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by
St. Peter at the entrance.
'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter...
'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem.
We seldom see a high official around these
parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do
with you.'
'No problem, just let me in,' says the senator.
'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher
up. What we'll do is have you spend one day
in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose
where to spend eternity.'
'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in
heaven,' says the senator.
'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.'
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator
and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors
open and he finds himself in the middle of a
green golf course. In the distance is a club house
and standing in front of it are all his friends and
other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress.
They run to greet him, shake his hand, and
reminisce about the good times they had while
getting rich at the expense of the people.
They play a friendly game of golf and then dine
on lobster, caviar and champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very
friendly guy who has agood time dancing and
telling jokes. They are having such a good time
that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves
while the elevator rises. The elevator goes up,
up, up and the door re-opens on heaven where
St. Peter is waiting for him.
'Now it's time to visit heaven.'
So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a
group of contented souls moving from cloud
to cloud, playing the harp and singing.
They have a good time and, before he realizes
it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter
returns.
'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and
another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.'
The senator reflects for a minute, then answers:
'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean
heaven has been delightful, but I think I would
be better off in hell.'
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he
goes down, down, down to hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and he's
in the middle of a barren land covered with
waste and garbage. He sees all his friends,
dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting
it in black bags as more trash falls from above....
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm
around his shoulder.
'I don'tunderstand,' stammers the senator.
'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf
course and club house, and we ate lobster
and caviar, drank champagne,and danced
and had a great time. Now there's just a
wasteland full of garbage and my friends
look miserable. What happened??'
The devil looks at him, smiles and says.....
'Yesterday we were campaigning.
Today you voted!!
#####